Just Say "No!" to Birds

Hey, I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but eagles? I mean really. Why does America have to have its national mascot be a bird? I have nothing against birds. But I just don't like them. In my opinion birds are insects. Sure, I heard that birds descended and evolved from dinosaurs. But I don't buy it. I mean, birds are too small to be dinosaurs. Besides dinosaurs were terrestrial animals, and birds are airborne creatures. And finally birds are dirty. Dinosaurs are actually cute — at least some of them are! — but birds? Give me a break. Birds are just glorified bugs with wings. Which is why I'm voting for whichever presidential candidate will get rid of eagles as our national mascot and substitute any other animal. I'd even go with a llama over a bird. (And I don't have any particular fondness for llamas, let me make that clear.) I don't like bugs and I don't like birds and I don't care who knows it. Are you with me on this one? I want a new national motto: Just Say "No!" to Birds.